I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.