Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
even my farts smell like vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.