apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.