I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt