He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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