im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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