Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
