the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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