FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
