Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
