Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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