I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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