good thing vaginas are great cup holders
bring money and cleavage
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
