I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
