i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
