can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
