my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
