Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
