if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
