...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
