We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
