Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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