Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
