You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
