God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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