Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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