so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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