At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
