It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
