It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
should my penis look like a turkey
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize