I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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