i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
