just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
