is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
