Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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