Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
