Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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