the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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