There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
