The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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