i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
