I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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