please come you make the beer taste better
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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