i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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