We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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