Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
