I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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