Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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