he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
