i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
