Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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