my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
