i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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