I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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