PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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