I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
