I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
