I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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