I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
