Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
