The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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