my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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