how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
