when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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