And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
