??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
