He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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