the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
home. puking in laundry basket.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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